PPPPartial Perfectionism: Four P's #138
Allow me to be the last (?) to wish you a Happy New Year as we return to the "routine" this week. I'm not sure that I feel any more relaxed or rested than I did heading into the break, to be honest. Our brief "escape" to the Catskills Mountains in upstate New York in the middle of an ice storm led to several hours of white-knuckle driving… and an afternoon of snowtubing resulted in several days of sore limbs. Seeing so many Christmas and New Year’s Eve social media posts with gatherings of others' family and friends was infuriating, and I’ll just say this... that unless you’re an essential worker, if you get COVID at this point, you might just be an idiot.
But we did spend every second with our kids, enjoyed some New Year's Eve Mexican cuisine and beat the crap out of a COVID-19 piñata. Our town threw a great, socially-distant, drive-in fireworks show on the beach. I read four books, binged EVERY season of Schitt’s Creek, spent one morning watching the entire season 3 of Cobra Kai in six straight hours… and even grew some homemade “healing” crystals (according to Spencer and Heidi Pratt).
So in the spirit of healing, relaxation and beating the shit out of things, here are your first Four P’s of 2021! (Also available on YouTube and as a Spotify podcast).
Something Personal: The Year(s) of The Vaccine
As a physician, my wife will (finally) get her first COVID vaccine this week, which is both comforting and sobering. The reality for the rest of our family is that a vaccine is still many months away, if not longer. While we know COVID has not been nearly as damaging for children, the newer strain appears to be much more contagious and may be the culprit for increased cases among the young in the UK. Clinical trials are just beginning for children over age 12, with no real clue when they will start for those under age 12. Realistically, it could be a year or more before we will be ready to administer vaccines to all children. Meanwhile, the wealthiest of our fellow citizens are already paying to “jump the line” and the vaccine black market is alive and well. Hooray, capitalism!
I've also got very mixed feeling about the year in sports ahead. While leagues like the NBA and WNBA were able to keep the spread of the virus under control while in a bubble, they've now joined the NFL, MLB and college sports in extending beyond a more controlled environment. I have no idea whether or not the NCAA Tournament will happen in March and April, but we're now seeing COVID spread statistics and mortality exceeding what it was in most of the country back when sports (and everything else) shut down last March. I'd love nothing more than to be sending our March Mattness NCAA Tournament pool emails in two months from this week, but I'm couching my optimism with some reality.
In the meantime, I’ll have to get my gambling fix in my continued investments in Bitcoin. And if you haven’t bought in yet, the revolution really is just beginning. Increasing global instability will result in further decoupling of national currencies from the gold standard. To quote the legendary William Jennings Bryan’s 1896 Democratic National Convention speech, “You shall not crucify mankind upon a cross of gold.”
Something Practical: Becoming a Lazy Genius
One of the books I read during the holiday break was The Lazy Genius Way, by Kendra Adachi. It was a recommendation from one of my #MarketingTwitter “friends”, and was inspiring enough for me to mention here and discuss in some greater depth.
For as long as I can remember, I've tried to live up to impossibly high expectations. Some have been expectations set by others, but most have been self-imposed. High achievers struggle with this in many areas of our lives. But the key message in "The Lazy Genius" is that instead of trying to live up to what everyone else expects of us, we should prioritize our own more basic needs and desires. We can put our energy and passion into the parts of our lives that really matter to us, and find easy shortcuts for the rest.
Being a perfectionist is exhausting and lonely. As I was reading the book over the break, my wife asked why I was taking notes. The answer: Because I didn't want to miss anything important or screw it up. Hmmm. In retrospect, it seems like I wasn't quite getting it, at first. But instead of trying to get it all down perfectly, tuning into what really matters for me meant caring less about capturing every specific detail. It's just hard to flip a switch and change just like that.
Real transformation happens in small steps. Even in trying not to take notes, not to overthink about the book, not to think about how to share these key takeaways with you, I've PROVEN my impatience with change. People like me try to do everything at once, and end up creating unreasonable expectations for ourselves that we can't possibly meet.
As a "Lazy Genius," the goal is to value progress for its own sake. Some improvement is better than none, and if you love something, it’s better to do it badly than abandon it completely. Approaching change in small, gradual steps is a key tool for Lazy Geniuses. A few tips on how to do this:
Eliminate unnecessary choices. Fixed decisions can bring calm and focus and reduce brain clutter.
Small amounts of planning here and there can drastically reduce the amount of stress we deal with on a daily basis.
Create routines. They should be dynamic, not dogmatic.
Essentialize. Kind of like prioritizing, but identifying what's essential to living a meaningful, satisfying life. Instead of running yourself ragged trying to do everything and be everything to everyone, you’ll be able to focus on what matters to you.
And start small. All perfectionists are driven by an intense fear that they will fail. Perfectionists often use self-development strategies as yet another stick to beat themselves with.
Of course, if you're like me, you may criticize yourself for not managing to implement all of this good advice at once, but surrounding yourself with people who want to support you will make that "failure" much more manageable. The great thing is that vulnerability is contagious. When you let your guard down with your friends, you give them the space to do the same with you.
Something Political: Fall of the American Empire
The Wall Street Journal ran a feature this week showing the difference in pandemic survival in different countries. To say that the United States has been terrible might even be sugar coating it. As the U.S. passed 350,000 deaths this week, approximately 1 in 990 Americans have now been killed by COVID. By comparison:
Denmark: 1 in 5,000
Finland: 1 in 11,000
Hong Kong and Liberia: 1 in 55,000
S Korea: 1 in 63,000
New Zealand: 1 in 204,000
Taiwan: 1 in 3.4 million
1 in 910 people dead from COVID in the United Kingdom so far also proves that "world-beating" right wing-led governments have no interest in the well being of ordinary people. Societies that have managed this crisis with far greater success are far more likely to share common trust and care for each other and have the general education and discipline to follow some simple measures. This pandemic has exposed deep dysfunction in our society, and it's becoming increasingly hard to feel pride living in a country where half the people are so selfish and delusional.
Four years of President Trump and his Republican Party have resulted in a culture of highly uneducated arrogant selfishness. This is a direct result of a "me-centrism." When the average citizen does not give a shit about another one, especially if they are of the "other" political party, you are witnessing the downfall of an empire. One thing is for certain: We cannot call ourselves the "greatest nation on earth" when our system is failing.
Wait, I'm sorry. Does "failing" seem harsh to you? Well there are millions of COVID vaccine doses sitting in storage right now, and there is no centralized, coordinated plan to get them to people. The U.S. is falling behind in its vaccination campaign because federal officials left much of the planning to overstretched local health officials and hospitals. 3,000 Americans are dying a day and your Republican neighbors want to overturn an election in order to keep in power the person responsible for this historic ineptitude.
This is a new low with Republicans trying to reverse certified results that have been scrutinized by the courts. This is the tactic of dictators, and should never see the light of day in our republic. What's happening in the Senate has nothing to do with polarization. It's a far right attempt to overthrow an election and institute authoritarian rule. As Oregon Senator Jeff Merkley tweeted this week, "The frame of polarization absolves Republicans of being an extremist, far right, authoritarian movement."
I feel like we have Darwinism working on two levels: COVID and Trumpism. 1:990 Americans are dead. Last week it was 1:1000. What is an unacceptable number of people dying? 1:500? 250? 10? At what level do the people who are living their lives as if nothing is happening realize the burden of guilt they should be carrying? It’s unbelievable. Their minds are rigged. Not the election.
Something Professional: Creating Time and Space
With some time and space to compartmentalize the past year, as well as start planning a very different year ahead... I got a bit meta over the break and thought about how valuable that "time" and "space" can truly be.
Creating space, not filling space, is a great mindset to adopt heading into new challenges. It should resonate for leaders as well as those looking to become leaders, as we all need space to grow and develop, to cultivate ourselves, our productivity as well as our relationships.
British psychotherapist Derek Draper has espoused that for deep and meaningful reflection to happen, you need to create different kinds of spaces: Temporal (time) and physical space are the foundational spaces. Relational space refers to having someone you can bounce ideas off of. And psychic space is about being open to improvement and feeding your mind new and enlightening information.
But that seems a bit heady for our post-holiday brains. So breaking this down a bit more simply and practically (for the non-British, non psychotherapists out there). we need to create different spaces for different aspects of our development:
The first is a space for learning, adopting the right mindset, one that is receptive to growth. Stubbornness and closed-mindedness are crippling traits. This includes making time, as well as finding a good place and helpful resources, such as a mentor, for self-improvement.
The next is a space to connect with yourself, looking within; checking in to see what’s going on in both your body and your mind. The goal here is to make sure that you, and not your emotions, are in control.
The space for sharing and relating will allow you to connect with others and build meaningful relationships. We're only ever going to be as good as the people around us. Low levels of productivity and morale, high levels of stress, anxiety and depression can always be linked to issues you have with other people in your life.
Now we get to the space to lead. Leadership is still a collaboration dynamic, and mentorship, guidance and delegation are ways to help others grow and develop their skills, as well as a sign that you trust them to do a good job.
If you've successfully created these spaces, you will have already created a space to be happy, to find contentment and be proud of your accomplishments, but the ultimate space for which we should be striving to create is the space to grow. This is different than the first space for learning because growth is about setting yourself up for your ideal future. It's about planning, then making decisions, minimizing distractions, saying no to the wrong paths and understanding the opportunity costs. To be successful, it's not just about blocking off time to work, but blocking off time to making space.
Have a great week, a great year and hope to see you all again sometime in 2022 (if we’re lucky!)